This morning, I was awakened by the squeak of the platypus outside my window. As I ran out of bed, I thought to myself, today is a scintillating day. I was inspired to become a more active coal miner and get involved in San Francisco. The weather was excellent to hop down Sproul. I was on my way to Bancroft when I bumped into a shopping cart. “What’s this”, I thought to myself. The shopping cart was old and vomit green. I looked up at saw Rose slowly passing out newsmagazines and decided to take one for myself. But just as I was about to get my own copy of hardboiled, I saw another person twirling around with a magnifying glass.
“What are you looking for?” I suspiciously asked.
“I’m looking for trees. Have you seen any?” he responded.
He then explained that he was an investigative plumber, looking for the latest scoop on Asian American democracy to report on. Then the girl with the tools and newsmagazines came over and said, “Why don’t you check out hardboiled! It’ll meet all of your needs.”
Since I only like my eggs raw anyways, I decided to check it out and it was a lot of fun! :)
The end.

For those of you who aren’t up to date on your Nick Toons, Ni Hao, Kai Lan! is the Mandarin version of Dora the Explorer. Thanks to Dora, shows that promote biculturalism have become more popular. Kai Lan is not only adorable but she’s one of the few rising Asian AMERICAN cartoons sans martial arts and probably the only Asian American cartoon for a 2-6 demographic.

You can check out the merchandise here (Consumerism is less evil when your dollars go towards bolstering the new face of bicultural media, I swear!) And you can check out my article on Kai Lan from a couple issues ago here (<– Read: shameless self-promotion — definitely kidding).

Enjoy!

Goh Nakamura and Jane Lui
Cafe Du Nord (for all ages)
2170 Market St in San Francisco
Tues. June 30th at 8 pm
Tickets are $10 at the door

Goh has a very mellow sound (think Jason Mraz/Jack Johnson with a more melancholy twist to some lyrics). Jane has an incredibly soulful voice. Jane won the 2008 San Diego Music Awards for Best Recording. (Other nominees in the category included Lady Danville who was listed in last semester’s hb playlist). Jane is a Chinese American from San Diego and Goh is a Japanese American who lives in San Francisco.

Come show your support :) And if you can’t make it, have a listen to their music online. you can also go to myspace.com/user/gohnakamura and myspace.com/janeshands

So clearly breaking into Hollywood is hard and maybe after a while you’ll take anything to get your name out there. But come on, Jeong, have a little dignity. Running around butt naked on the big screen, kung-foo-ing, and shouting in shrill broke English (when you really can speak perfect English) about your man purse is humiliating. Way to bring something new to the cinematic plate as an Asian American male.

NOT DEAD!

As painful as it is to listen to him yell in Korean and speak with a fake Asian accent to fulfill the stereotype of an angry hypermasculine Korean man, perhaps 80% of the reason why I keep watching this show is because of him and Sun.

I’m psyched to see how his revival will play out, especially now that Sun’s coming back. Alright, hidden LOST fans. Come out of the shadows and tell me that I’m not alone.

Ad 1: “Want to date some sexy ASIAN LADIES? Go online to visit our dating website.”
(i am not going to list said website b/c some creeper will probably go visit it for said reason).
Ad 2:”Hot Chinese Girls” + link to stupid website #2.
(Once again, no free advertisement for you, racist “Hot Chinese Girls” website!)
Ad 3: “Enroll in Martial Arts Classes NOW!”
Yes, because Wong Fu = Asians = Bruce Lee = Martial Arts … duh.

Really, Google, really? Someone needs to fix that shizz asap.

Yes, this is yet another ridiculous martial arts movie to crush my spirit. It’s coming out at the end of the month and it looks completely absurd. The movie is based on a popular video game and its cast consists of predominantly white male actors …and Kristin Kreuk of Smallville fame. So there you have it– another over-the-top kung fu movie that will probably exotify and hypersexualize the cute, little (part) Asian girl. The blog, /Film, stated that they were happy that Kreuk does not don the Chinese outfit and ox horn hairdo that is in the video game. To that I say, “To hell with the subtleties, if you’re going to be cliche and racist than why not go all out?” (read with immense sarcasm).

The basic plot synopsis: Kreuk’s character seeks revenge after daddy is kidnapped, trains to be kung-fu warrior (by a white guy with black hair extensions?!), and kicks butt while looking pretty for the camera. Watching the trailer definitely reminded me of that awful show that premiered last year, “Samurai Girl.” Hey mainstream media, if you’re going to be racist can you at least get a little more creative? Yeah, thanks.

(Thanks Monty!)

I know this movie has been out for a while but I just got around to seeing it yesterday and had to pitch in my two cents. The movie was highly recommended by a good friend of mine who is a big-time movie buff so I went in this expecting it to be a pretty big deal… but it didn’t quite deliver.

First off, I do think it was cool that Clint Eastwood tried to develop a movie around the conflicts in a Hmong community. It’s a pretty bold move for Eastwood to lend his star power to shed light on Hmong gang violence. But aside from the A for effort, the movie was pretty much a bust in my opinion. Would it really kill Hollywood to tell a story where a Hmong person was the one to resolve the conflict? Instead we get a snarling, macho, white guy (Walt Kowalski/Eastwood) who saves the Hmong women and children from their own kind. Likewise, it irked me that a huge part of the plot was about Eastwood teaching Thao, the teenage Hmong boy, what it means to be a man. According to the movie, a real man drowns his conversations in a stream of curses, totes a big gun, and works in construction. I know that Eastwood is supposed to play a very grumpy and abrasive character but it’s so overdone. Likewise, the interactions between Walt and Thao/his sister Sue (played by Bee Vang and Ahney Her) were awkward and unnatural. Even after they become friends and Walt comes over to have a barbecue at their house, he continues to call them gooks and somehow it’s supposed to be endearing… yeah, that doesn’t usually do it for me. Although it’s always good to have more Asian faces on the big screen, I’m still going to be critical of their acting abilities. True, they weren’t working with the best script but Vang and Her’s performances, to be honest, weren’t all that hot. But hey, if nothing else, at least this movie has helped a few more people pronounce Hmong correctly (that silent “h” is a trickster).

Agree or disagree? Leave me a comment and let me know :)

If you squint hard enough, you may be able to make them out!

Some food for thought: So all the “evil” men in this movie just so happen to be indigenous men of color who can’t communicate in any comprehensible language and unfairly ride oliphaunts that crush and destroy all the “good men” of Middle Earth, who just so happen to be entirely composed of white men?? What up with that, Peter Jackson? No men of Rohan and Gondor happen to be men of color? Now that Aragorn’s king, he better check in on diversifying those ranks of his. Sure, he’s got hobbits, elves, dwarves, and wizards as friends, but c’mon, you couldn’t find any other minority man? Or even WOMAN? Talk about a lack of diversity.

And man, Gandalf: you’re such a white supremacist.

(Yeah. This is how I spent my winter break. 12+ hours of Extended Edition footage on a wide-screen HD TV: glorious. Despite how racist Lord of the Rings may be, however, I still love it. Epic fight scenes! Go Frodo!)